?

So... long time no posting, huh? Not that I'm that much of a regular poster, but the last couple of weeks have been weird.

Mostly, they've been weird because I've been slowly realising that things aren't going to just "work themselves out". The pressure is mounting, something's going to break, and then will be Big Decision Time. I've been see-saawing from one extreme to the other for months, thinking "you know what, FUCK ballet, I'm gonna get a real job, which pays real money, and doesn't hurt all the time", only to wake up the next morning all misty-eyed because I was dreaming about being on stage again, and I remember how much fun it can be. There's no telling where I'm going, I'll have to wait it out for now, and I'm just about tearing my hair out from the frustration of it all. What also is not helping is the fact that, to be honest, I'm lonely. Despite the Nameless Wonder being the awesomest thing ever and picking me up when I'm down, and dealing with my now-regular mini meltdowns, I haven't had much of a social life this year. I could count on one hand the number of parties I've been to, and the number of friends I see with ANY sort of regularity is two. So, my ENITRE world is made up of 3 people and a cat (who is madder than I, even at this stage). The stress is wearing me down, and I am not functioning well emotionally. I guess this is the test. If I get through this with lessons learned, or give up or give in (and at this point I'm not sure which choice is which anymore). Do I go back to certainty, but risk living with the regret of being a failure, or do I stay, and risk giving up the only thing I've ever done with any degree of success or confidence? It's either a catch 22, or it's a no-brainer, but I can't tell which one. I just don't know.